#we could have gotten both...

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Lockets and Rings

disclaimer this will be a ramble... no one should be surprised

so I just started rereading the Screaming Staircase and Lucy just picked up the locket of Annabel Ward (well obviously i am also finished at the time of posting) and I was thinking about how it is in the show and I won't presume to know why they changed it (maybe because it would be easier for Lucy to remove and how easy it was to put it front and center on Annie's finger and frames her face and i just think its a haunting image) but both serve to show the relationship between her and Fairfax in different lights (heck in show verse he could have given her a locket as well)

Lockets are often ways to remember something or someone. They contain pictures most of the time and sometimes locks of hair or maybe little love letters.

So often it is a connection to the giver a way of keeping them close. It contains a image or a piece of them.

Onto how it is in the book.

page 57 of my copy "once, that girl's living hands fixed it around her neck, think to make herself look lovelier for the day"

180 "maybe I just wanted to save something of her, so she wouldn't be completely lost" a thing that came through in the show (also glad the show added Lucy acting "odd" when connected to it

186 noticing the seam without noticing the seam

Later on I mention the presentation of the memories attached to this precious things in the show but here is the book 191-192 "first a man and woman talking; the woman's high-pitched laughter, the man's voice joining her as one. Then a sensation of fierce joy, of passion shared; I felt the elation of the girl, her feverish delight. A great bulb of happiness spread out to fill my world... The laughter changed, became hysterical in tone. The man's voice grew harsher, the sound twisted. I felt a cold, sharp jolt of fear... And then at once the joy was back and all was well, well, well... Until the next reversal, until contentment curdled, and the voices rose once more in anger, and I was sick with jealousy and rage... the mood-swings flashing past... And all at once came sudden silence, and a cold voice talking in my ear, and a final blaze of fury that ascended to a desperate shriek of pain"

emphasis mine the cycical nature the jealousy and rage of both parties "I was sick with jealousy and rage" and the final moment of anger

Inscriptions on the locket: same quote from Hamlet and 196 latin "my torment, my bliss" which is again very telling on how jealous and insecure Fairfax was.

page 218 "The necklace doesn't really add anything. Even without it Blake is clearly guilty" I have to add this line because it made my eye twitch like this is a reread and I know Lockwood follows up on it and it's incriminating evidence but still I had to share it. Inscriptions are important be it as simple as initials, words or what Fairfax did with the locket which is add a reference to a specific passage from "their" favourite play and "my torment, my bliss" and there is a record of it rings inscriptions depend on the size of the band and those can be slender so it would be very small writing (and we who have bad eyesight suffer with it example i have looked over the wedding rings in my grans jewellry box many times and today i found that does have an inscription of her name and my grandads it was in a bag that I halfheartedly labelled "not inscribed") but still receipts exist

244 Both show and book have an intruder working on behalf of Fairfax try to take the precious item back... inadvertantly shoving the trio onto the right path. That the importance of it is more than meets the eye.

250 I am very glad the show added more emphasis on Annie playing Ophelia in Hamlet as it joins Fairfax, Blake and her in this unwilling jealous love triangle (assuming Blake felt anything for her other than fondness of a coworker in the show we know she dated him for little bit) If we had more time maybe we'd have more than one mention of Fairfax and showbuisness.

and then we get a big gap and resume with

407 Fairfax performing under his middle name and the history of his acting stint being something he remained proud of and probably something he always wanted to do but expectations of his life kept him from his real true love his great pride but still love of money is greater than anything else.

409 "passion is what Annie and I shared" passion goes both ways it's a very strong emotion and we see it in the glimpse we got of their relationship

410 "Annie was not of the correct social standing, you see her father was a tailor, or something of that kind- and my parents would have cut off my inheritance if they'd known about her. Well, finally Annie demanded we go public. I refused, of course - the idea was impossible-so she left me... For a time she went around with Hugo Blake: a fop, a worthless dandy. He was no good and she knew it. Before long she was back with me." Everything Fairfax did was to keep the relationship secret and keep Annie with him it was Hugo Blake dropping her off at the door that was the ignition for his jealous rage ending with Annie's death. Fairfax also visited her in secret and waited for her inside. I don't think I have to say how terrifying it must have been to come home and the moment you're inside you're being confronted by an angry jealous man'

412 admitting he forgot the Locket for weeks vs "I often regret leaving it behind when I bricked her into that chimney. I knew it was monstrous. But I couldn't throw my whole life away for one mistake" which is actually not completely discrediting the idea that in his panic and guilt it slipped his mind to take it with him (but still him keeping it with him somebody could find and ask about it)

428 Annie hopefully moving on and the locket being destroyed in the funaces

Now lets talk about rings

When rings come into play in romantic relationships people tend to lose their minds a little. What with the empahsis on extravagant engagement rings and the simpler wedding bands.

Symbolically as a whole rings are unending circles a sign of an unending bond, a show of committment. No matter the relationship type.

so promise rings: it's a commitment ring without being a engagment ring or wedding ring "It's given by one partner as a token of their fidelity, and in turn worn by the other to show that the commitment is mutual." and can be used to signify a future engagement

Engagement and wedding rings can become heirlooms passed down through the years, and it's obvious what they mean but its the greater/ greatest emotional show of romantic commitment.

And I think having it be a ring in the show is incredibly cruel of Fairfax. We don't know what the interaction was like when she got given the ring and it's inscription but just think about the hopes she had for their relationship, for their future. All brought up because of a ring and a significant inscription for her "never doubt i love" because of what she did as an actor and the quote itself.

The snippets of conversation when Lucy channels Annabel. Fairfax seemingly making a mountain out of a mole hill and working himself into a rage. Talking about Hugo Blake dropping her off "did you tell him where to go?" and Annie not knowing what the problem was and just being happy that she gets to spend to time with the man she loved. "She's afraid *pants* It's alright he loves me you love me don't you." As well a the confusion and the desperation of "you gave me the ring. he'd never hurt me, never... stop, stop look at me you're hurting me stop please I can't bloody breathe" all draws out the pain Annie is feeling.

modes of death and other things

in the book Annie's death was seemingly accidental a hand raised in anger and a broken neck it was the cover up that made it murder. And I don't why I started thinking about this but lets diverge to another show another story. The Haunting of Hill House adapted by Mike Flanagan and Nell Crane's passing in the show. Her mother's locket (holding the images of her and Luke) turning into a noose. And with a hanging there is two ways to die a broken neck and suffocation. Suffocation is a hard way to go intimate no matter where you are, you are sharing the last breath of another person. It also a little premeditated? nobody gets accidently strangled right

[ofswordsandpens]

adding to the "there should have been more genuine tension within the seven" train of thought, it would have been funny if the Argo II, technically being a ship, meant it fell under Percy's power domain and he could control it all at whim, rendering all the carefully crafted controls Leo built useless if Percy felt like being an asshole

[gyrmirr]

can i tell you that i'm empty?

[the-last-butter]

HC they first met a year or two after Yelan got her vision; post fighting the in abyss but when Kaeya was still navigating his identity from Kaeya, Brother and Right hand of Diluc Ragnvindr to Kaeya Alberich, Cavalry Captain and Quarter master of the Knights of Favonius.

[otrtbs]

cousin who was once a fine arts kid like me switched his degree under parental pressure to computer science … still couldn’t get a job outta college .. and so he joined the military where they buzzed all his art kid hair off and took away his septum. now he’s in fucking camo posing in a tank. like. this isn’t youuuuuu you used to play the french hornnn remember ?? like. remember ?????

[barufisher]

other people have already said it but it’s really soooo lame how Flat elgar’nan and ghilan’nain are. especially when you compare them to solas and mythal. elgar’nan was literally mythal’s husband, they had children together, surely he wasn’t just pure evil the entire time? why don’t we get to see any of their regrets in the literal regret prison that was originally intended for them? (because theyre just evil, of course!) why couldn’t what happened with the titans have been an unintended tragedy born from them just desiring bodies, unknowing that it would hurt and anger the titans, with those consequences spiraling into a brutal and bloody war between them… and then we could have actually seen more of what happened during this war, the impact it had on the titans and dwarves, and the desperation to end it that led to the death of the titans and solas’s regret and the eventual twisting of the evanuris into godhood… but nah. they’re just pure evil.

[seasideoranges]

y'all i gotta be honest for a sec, the "atla wouldnt change much if aang wasnt there, in fact it might be better" and "the atla finale wouldnt change much if aang wasnt there to fight ozai" debates is the funniest thing ive seen come out of this fandom

[commanderfreddy]

i do genuinely feel like people need to practice being miserable more. like as a skill. i feel like every day i see people making needless fools of themselves and ruining their potential for much greater fulfilment, stability, knowledge, peace, everything, out of immediate and intense knee-jerk reactions to the potential of feeling bad for even a little while. this is something i still need to work on myself but i really do believe its so important. sometimes things are sad. sometimes they are painful, uncomfortable, frightening, uncertain. agonising. refusal to let yourself feel that emotion wont make them less so. they will assert themselves upon you nonetheless.

[dirtbra1n]

have a fuckton of dishes to do can I be vulnerable and honest. prevalence of homophobic hanzawa makes me saaaad. Okay that’s all

[lolhex12]

we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy

after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)

so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"

akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."

atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.

somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.

his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)

they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.

it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.

so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."

that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'

after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)

so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'

the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.

the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.

atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).

what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.

"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.

atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)

akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???

he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.

that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.

it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

sometimes I think about how in our teens my best friend and I had this one shot to become really... gentle and loving friends toward each other, to be the kind of friends who do casual touches and lean on each other while watching movies and hold hands, and we weren't mature enough, didn't have enough time, to get there

[marblerose-rue]

got asked to draw two of my old wc rp ocs :-) left is cicadahop, right is scallopstar

[idaten-jump]

Kyoichi in a more classic traditional vampire outfit! Alas, I'm still not entirely certain whether this was what was meant by a "vampire tuxedo" or not.

But I hope that this comes close to what @ishibo actually had in mind when asking for a Kyoichi in a vampire outfit! 🧛‍♂️

[bericas]

sceo weekend 2023 (day 1) → identity (what do their identities mean to them? to each other?)

the problem with liking is the conflation of desire with similarity. ↳ claire schwartz

[teethbomb]

I know you’re supposed to hear someone out before disagreeing with them but I don’t think I can read all of that without getting really mad

[fablexdreams]

Don't mind me, I'm just over here thinking about Spreaver and Ben Finn/Hero of Brightwall a totally normal amount.

(They have not left my brain since 2008 and 2010 respectively, and no matter how hard I try, I simply can not let their ships go.)